The Doll Thrillers

This is going to be a good roast. Brace yourselves people!

Annabelle

If I were a mother and I had to pick a toy for my child, I’d go for something like a soft toy instead of a doll that was dragged through the filth of the entire country, looks like the guy from Texas chainsaw massacre and is thought to be a cursed antique piece with the track record for uncountable murders! 

This is completely absurd and vacuous! Don’t the writers at least try to make sense? 

Don’t get me started on that mother who not only has a weird obsession for ancient dolls but decorates her kid’s room out of all the available spaces with these terror inducing pieces. 

Let’s talk about the ghost. Why, out of everything at your disposal, would you pick a doll to possess? That’s another point which is completely doltish. 

I mean you could possess humans and make them do stuff. You could live again! Through a body that’s not your own but I don’t think that matters. 

Seriously, a doll?

For future reference, please don’t accept hideous looking gifts. Especially the ones that look like they’ve been picked out of the trash, smeared with more trash, neatly packed and gifted. 

Chucky 

The embodiment of sinister, is this tiny doll. It’s the kind of doll you’d “chuck” aside because it wasn’t upto the mark for the quality control. And yet, despite the standards, here they were, a factory full of chuckys. 

Dear parents, if your mission is to instill fear in your child, the irreversible kind, you’re heading in the absolutely right direction but for those who value their children’s sanity, please stick to fisher price. Their toys are baby safe! 

No, I wasn’t paid to endorse them. 

Now, I don’t want to sideline the chucky lovers merely because of their unusual choice. 

Here’s a little recipe for them. 

HOW TO MAKE A CHUCKY

Take a normal looking baby sized doll, hammer it’s face in, wipe it’s face on your greasy garage floor, spray some perfume on it for good measure and ever lasting fragrance (because that’s going to help) and there you have it. A personalised chucky. Feel free to add your touch. 

Ta-da! 

I think I’ll be scared once these movies start to make sense. God I miss that show on the Discovery channel. It was called “A haunting”. 

A.W.