The diary of a lazy ass

I can’t really pick out one beginning because laziness and it’s consequences are like a vicious cycle. For convenience, let’s just say that it all began when one paragraph of information was too much to take in and I was about to call it a day because it’s a proven fact that your brain needs sleep and when your brain gets what it wants, it processes your information and keeps it in it’s memory for you. 
So me being the punctual person that I am, decided to give my brain the adequate rest needed for it to format the trillions of words I read in that paragraph because, we read to learn. Not to ace exams bro! Understanding the subject is the most important part. 
Let’s just forget about the twelve hours sleep I already got before reading that one paragraph. Sssh. That doesn’t count. Sleeping at the right time is important. It’s 10pm now. Sleep time. 
Before I sleep though, let me count the hours of sleep I need. 8 hrs. Hmm that’s like 11..12…1…2…3…4…5…6am. But that’s too late. I won’t have enough time to take bath. Meaning, I need to wake up at 5am. 
For some reason, after this small calculation, those twelve hours of sleep you got, suddenly turn into a blasphemous deed. I mean how could you? If our government wasn’t so considerate, they would have given you death sentence for sleeping for TWELVE LONG HOURS after your GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP. Omg may the Lord absolve you off your sins.

So as punishment, you deserve to lose an hour of sleep now. 5am it is. 

Let me pay for my sins. I deserve it. I will be strong. I will take the blame for being lax. 

Just how. 

Atrocious. 

And so, with the verdict disclosed, I go back to sleep with all the determination in the world. 

.

.

.

*alarm rings 4.55am* (because 5 minutes wake up time is a given) 

From here on, the situation can proceed in two different ways. 

A) I might be too deaf to hear the alarm and wake up too late, then be disappointed in myself and then adding a few thousand goals more to the already overflowing list of things to do, because, shame on you. Chi. All you had to do was wake up. *The cycle of punishment and failure to obey continues.*
B) I hear the alarm. 

Switch it off at such lightening speed and accuracy with my eyes half open and my vision barely coordinated with my still sleeping brain as it’s too dangerous to wake up people in the surrounding. They might realise it’s my wake up time. And then, do the most horrible thing, join forces with the alarm and ruin my remaining five minutes of sleep. 

I will wake up ok! Five minutes. Inconsiderate, unsympathetic pricks. 
*alarm rings at 5am*

Ok ok I’m waking up. I’m up. I’m coming. 

Just when I’m about to painfully gather the resolve to wake up, my roommate decides to use the washroom. 

That’s it. 

I can’t go now. 

It’s not my fault.

She took away the bathroom. I had no choice. 

Sometimes, you have to let go. It’s bad to hold grudges. 

And so, I slept again. Unlike others on this planet, I’m considerate. I give people their space. She’s taking a bath in there ok, she needs her time. I can’t ruin her peace like that. I had to let it go. I had to let her be. 

I slept. 
Small problem though. I assumed that she’d wake me up when she’s done so I can go next. 
She didn’t. 

I learnt my lesson.

Never trust anyone in this world. 
And by the time I’m done formulating my philosophical theories, it’s too late. I barely have time to get ready. But then again, I remember, the promise I made to my parents when I was in my mother’s womb. 

“I will make you proud one day” 

The devil whispers in my ear, “that day is not today. Go to sleep. You need to sleep. You need the rest.” at that, my eyelids begin to fall. Just then, the angel screams into the other year saying, “no no no ams! This is not what your parents sent you here for! They paid so much for you ! Plus you need the attendance! What if you need to bunk later on? You can always sleep in class.” 
And so, with that option available, I get ready faster than the pit crew in F1 races can replace a tyre. I use those leg muscles of mine and just push my legs to the limit and get to class just as the teacher is about to shut the door. Avoiding eye contact, I get in and let out the breath that I’d been holding. 
Mission accomplished. 
*sleeps throughout the class* *doesn’t learn shit* 
In the evening……. 
Ok so, let me make a plan. We need a plan. Since I overslept in the morning, I’m going to stay up late and read this chapter. And I’m going to stay awake until I finish it because, I won’t get up early anyways. Might as well Complete this. 
And then I did the unspeakable. I slept again. 

But hey, there was improvement. I read a whole page without any breaks. That’s more than the paragraph I read yesterday. 
*information processing time*

*takes phone out and plugs in some music because that’s Relaxation*
I might as well just “check” my instagram notifications. It’s good to be up to date you know. Haven’t you heard? All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. 
*6am*

CRAP!!!! 

DO I EVER LEARN!? 
No? 

I mean I will. I promise. Give me one last chance! 
*opens Google*

How to motivate yourself to wake up and do all the work pending for that day?

Motivational quotes

*scratch that. (because I’m so thick skinned)*

Powerful motivational quotes(yeah now thats more like it.) 
“what you think you become, what you feel you attract and what you imagine, you create”
*Imagines wearing a suit and working in a huge corporate setting with a million people to follow my lead and having a huge mansion and an untainted reputation. Everyone ditching their doctors to come take your valuable opinion*
Imagine. (Check)

Ok now that I imagined, I’m sure I can create.

It will happen. Don’t worry.

As of now, let’s all calm the fuck down and go to sleep. 
I’m peace out

#narcissista 

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