I Have Something

A dangerous kind of torture has been inflicted upon me. It’s called “solar induced rhinocongestion”. 

Go ahead, try and find out what it is. I can bet you won’t find it. I had to walk through several forests, spend countless hours in the scorching sun and sit next to a person who had the disease, to be a patient myself. 

I think it was mostly the last part. But I like the whole elaboration ordeal. 

If you have already read my previous blog, you’d know why I chose to use those massive and nugatory words to describe something so benign. For those who haven’t figured it out yet, I was talking about a cold. Yes, the same one that manages to suffocate you and puts all your bodily holes in an insufferably long period of distress. 

You get a cold and it’s just a matter of time before you end up with a sore throat, a cough, an annoying ear block which makes you sound like a walrus and just add in a fever and whatever gastrointestinal leakage or blockage you can think of and there you have it, nature’s wonderful surprise package deal. I bet god sells it at his supermarket called “makers of mayhem”.

Mayhem. That’s all it ever does. What audacity this virus has! Defeat by deceit! You recover from one horrendous episode thinking you’d have immunity against it now, it’s all over for good but just when you’re about to lay your head down on your soft pillow with relief, the conniving beast strikes again. A-de-no! Ma body de no! It didn’t know that it was you! Again! 

I’m pretty sure it uses my nasal turbinates as it’s personal water slides and my everlasting supply of mucus as it’s very own filthy swimming pool. How amusing! Not. It takes my breath away! In the most unromantic way possible and with all intent to annoy. 

One day, when science will achieve maximum magnification of these pesky little undeniable parasites, Mark my words, I shall rhinocongest the fuck out of its anatomy. 

Sincerely, 

Every cold victim ever. 

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